Hold Your Praises; I'm not a Saint

Many of you are completely aware that I'm currently living and working in Tegucigalpa, Honduras.  I've been living here for 6 months and I'm still working for the same global health nonprofit.  

This nonprofit is aligned with several UN Sustainable Development Goals to provide measurable impact to both our partner communities and Honduras as a whole.  You could say that my job is classified under international development work and yes, I love it.  Apparently this love is felt by the locals as well since an HR and recruiting company in Honduras recently published an article in La Prensa (regional newspaper) about the most attractive companies to work for.  My organization was voted as one of the top 5 'most attractive companies to work for' in Honduras under the category of Foundations & NGO's.  Perhaps it's our unique environment or nice office we work in that makes us attractive; however, I think it's our accomplishments and results that make us attractive.  In 2019 alone, our mid-year review reports that we have:

• Provided 78,000 medical consultations
• Built 329 hygiene stations
• Constructed 3 full-scale water systems
• Consulted 35 businesses
• Resolved 4 legal cases

Of course I'm proud of my contributions to this organization and any one of my coworkers would surely say the same.  However, there is one key difference between the way the international staff vs the Honduran staff talks about our organization.  You will often hear the Honduran staff brag about our accomplishments and our positive impact in our partner communities.  It's understandable how the local staff would take such pride in their work- it's their country they are improving!  However, the international staff is often torn on how to go about mentioning our work and our lifestyle.  The international staff receives many praises from family and friends back home, but also many hurtful comments from strangers about our work.  Even the praises from those with good intentions are often confusing and can be hurtful to hear.   This is because it's hard to tell someone the realities of your job in the fear that the realities will permanently taint your image that others have falsely created.  

"But what if we could honestly explain our discomfort with the praise, bluntly and without worrying about hurting people’s feelings? What would we say to our friends, relatives and neighbours who assume that aid workers are the embodiment of altruism instead of flawed individuals just like professionals in every other industry?"

-The Secret Aid Worker. April 11th, 2017

One of the most common themes we hear upon returning stateside is how those of us working in similar sectors as myself must be innately altruistic.  There is often a false picture imagined of what I do, and false characteristics that must accompany such work.  Yes, sometimes those characteristics: altruistic, selfless, brave, compassionate, empathetic, benevolent, and philanthropic are all present in individuals.  However, not all of us are inherently 'good' people.  My job sector is flawed, just like every other job sector.  And flawed personalities accompany the flawed job sector.  But talking about our flawed personalities or flawed job sector with those back home feels taboo.  

"Taking into account the truth behind my own motivations, the gushing praise I’ve become accustomed to receiving can be uncomfortable. In the past, when I’ve headed home from an international posting, reunions of any kind would become ritualistic. The same conversation would be had with everyone in the room. The same sentiment of praise expressed over and over in different words. Being recognised for what you do is nice, but I can never live up to the expectations projected on me by others."

-The Secret Aid Worker. Nov 1st, 2016

Paired with the never ending praises, I often have to field questions that reinforce a one-sided picture of the developing country I've been living in.  Yes, some things you have seen and heard on the news is, in fact, correct.  However, there is so much more to developing countries than the gangs, drugs, corruption, violence, and poverty that is most often depicted.  Please do not continue to remind me of how dangerous Honduras is because of the news coverage you saw.  I have firsthand experience facing the dangers and beauties of this country.  These experiences are both good and bad, but they will paint a more balanced picture than the one you're imagining in your head.  

Lastly, please understand that I despise people referring to my job as 'missions work'.  Mission work and Christian missions aren't inherently a bad thing, but I have not had positive experiences with them.  In Honduras, I have seen far too many Christian medical groups and, more importantly, the aftermath of their mission work.  Because of this, Christian mission groups have earned themselves an extremely bad reputation in this country.  Although my work is similar to these mission groups, we pride ourselves on a holistic approach to benefit communities that have come to us for help.  We also pride ourselves on educating our volunteers on hard-hitting topics like the white savior complex, voluntourism, and other ethical practices. 

"I worry that in Christian aid worker circles the lack of regulations and the exaltation of the white saviour complex is the perfect storm for a development disaster. Standards that most aid organisations hold themselves to do not apply to missionaries, simply because they believe they have been sent by God. Who needs degrees when one has been called and commissioned? This belief drives those who are ill-equipped to travel here to “save” others, an act applauded back home, but those living in poverty deserve better."

-The Secret Aid Worker. April 19, 2016

These issues are commonly talked about among my coworkers because the issue affects every singe one of us.  Although it may not seem like a big deal, understand that it is.  Understand that this pedestal we're placed upon is not what most of us seek.  Understand that it's not rude of us when we reject your compliments and praises and become uncomfortable.  

Above all, don't speak at me and recite back the few facts you know about my job and/or the country I've been living in.  Instead, ask me questions that open the subject up for a healthy conversation.  Ask me questions that I can provide more context on so that someone can better understand a specific topic.  Ask me detailed questions about where I lived and what my day to day job entailed.  No question is stupid if you have pure intentions and are looking to become more educated on a topic.  I will gladly answer questions for hours, but keep the praises to a minimum please.  


**Post was edited for clarity and further explanation on 6/26/2019