Awkward + Awesome Stories
It is now June and my time in Honduras is slowly coming to an end; however, I have been compiling a small collection of stories since I arrived. I had been saving them for the right moment in the hopes that the pieces would come together. These stories aren't related.
They have no common theme. Some are funny while some are simply stories that I didn't want to forget. It finally dawned on me that although these stories are seemingly random, they are still representative of my time spent in Honduras. Because of that, I decided to include these short vignettes under this post where they are to be read as short stories.
Enjoy this small insight into my life!
The Missing Churros
Within the first 2-3 weeks of living in Honduras, my workplace held a professional development day with over 200 of their Honduran staff in attendance. Some staff members spoke only English, some only Spanish, and some were bilingual. This made communication tricky because I didn't know which language I should use when meeting someone new. After about 3 hours of mainly bilingual meetings, a coworker and myself decided to grab some snacks from a vendor. My roommate gave us some money and asked if we would buy her some churros (a Mexican dessert of fried dough with sugar on top). We agreed and set off to find snacks, drinks, and churros. Once at the store, we bought plantain chips and drinks, but the vendor didn't sell any churros. We returned to my roommate with our arms loaded with snacks and drinks, but no churros like she requested. After handing back her money and noticing her pained facial expression, we asked what was wrong... That's the day we discovered that churros are Honduran slang for any type of snack food--specifically the bags of chips overflowing from our arms!
Moral
I'm not sure there is a moral of this story. Except that maybe you should visit your local pulperia or gas station with friends-in-tow to help carry all your snacks!
The Honduran Snowball Fight of 2019
Some of the beauties of Honduras include its tropical climate, craggy mountains, and lush forests. This tropical climate means that Honduras is relatively dry all year except for its rainy season. In addition, the weather in Tegucigalpa never drops below 50° F during the 'winters'. Because of this, you might be wondering how we had a snowball fight. Well lucky for you, I'm about to explain how one of my Canadian friends just happened to have a bag of fake snowballs. Why did she have this bag of fake snowballs you might ask? Well, her mother sent them in a care package since her Canadian roots obviously meant she was missing the snow. This bag of snowballs was brought out during a recent rooftop going-away-party that included a mix of expats and Hondurans. The Hondurans LOVED the snowballs and immediately starting throwing them at people. The only appropriate reaction when someone throws a snowball at you is to immediately run for cover, grab a snowball for yourself, and search for your next unsuspecting target.
Moral
What do you get when you cross alcohol with a bag of fake snowballs? A priceless snowball fight that can last for hours on end if you aren't careful. And speaking of being careful, that night we learned that snowballs and beer cans alike can fly off of rooftops with minimal effort required...
...Coffee?
Anyone who knows me is aware of my fondness (read: addiction) to coffee. I have struggled to find a simple iced coffee in Honduras and have tried explaining to countless baristas that I want a cold brew coffee and NOT their famous iced lattes or mochas. Those contain too much sugar and fake-tasting syrups that I don't enjoy. Anyways, my coffee addiction means that even when I'm doing labor intensive jobs under the hot sun, I still accept coffee whenever it is offered. Once such occasion arose when I was 'translating' (read: blubbering like an idiot and trying not to offend our hosts) for a public health brigade. The lady of the house graciously offered me a cup of piping hot joe and I couldn't resist; however, what followed in that coffee mug was not what I was expecting. Instead of a cup of plain black coffee, I received coffee with so much sugar that it could've rivaled Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory. This 'coffee' tasted like maple syrup and was as thick as molasses. Because I was sure I had somehow already offended this woman due to my broken Spanish, I drank every last drop of that coffee. Even after politely declining a refill, I happily drank the refill she insisted upon pouring me because I didn't want to be a rude guest. Each subsequent time I found myself helping out in someone's home and food was about to be offered, I disappeared quicker than you could say 'abracadabra'.
Moral
Turning down food or drinks that the lady of the house offers is plain rude, so I made myself scarce! Except for the time I helped advise a tamale business... or the time I visited a lady who made tajaditas... or the time i stumbled upon a community bakery...
Would You Like a Shot with That?
Throughout my time here, I have witnessed several of my coworkers battle minor injuries. One friend broke a few bones in her hand from punching a wall and THEN a steel pole (do not replicate). Another coworker tore a tendon & ligament in his leg from running over Honduran sidewalks- they are an obstacle course and workout in their own! And finally, another coworker had to have her toenail removed due to complications from climbing a volcano. Although these stories may seem completely unrelated, they have one commonality- shots! Each coworker had to receive a shot while being examined by doctors. It makes sense for the girl with the toenail troubles to receive a shot in her toe before it was removed, right? Well, you're only halfway correct. Although she DID receive a shot in her toe before the puss was drained the first time (TMI? You're lucky I'm sparing you the details), she also received a shot in her butt. Why? Who knows except it seems to be the 'Honduran way'. As for the coworker with the torn ligament and tendon, he also received a shot in the butt to help assist in 'the healing'.
Moral
So the next time you find yourself plagued with the flu or other ailment, seek out a doctor to administer a shot in your butt. Hondurans SWEAR a shot such as a booster, vaccine, or flu shot will cure your cold and I'm starting to believe them. After all, ALL of my coworkers have recovered since their shot in the butt.....
Some of the beauties of Honduras include its tropical climate, craggy mountains, and lush forests. This tropical climate means that Honduras is relatively dry all year except for its rainy season. In addition, the weather in Tegucigalpa never drops below 50° F during the 'winters'. Because of this, you might be wondering how we had a snowball fight. Well lucky for you, I'm about to explain how one of my Canadian friends just happened to have a bag of fake snowballs. Why did she have this bag of fake snowballs you might ask? Well, her mother sent them in a care package since her Canadian roots obviously meant she was missing the snow. This bag of snowballs was brought out during a recent rooftop going-away-party that included a mix of expats and Hondurans. The Hondurans LOVED the snowballs and immediately starting throwing them at people. The only appropriate reaction when someone throws a snowball at you is to immediately run for cover, grab a snowball for yourself, and search for your next unsuspecting target.
Moral
What do you get when you cross alcohol with a bag of fake snowballs? A priceless snowball fight that can last for hours on end if you aren't careful. And speaking of being careful, that night we learned that snowballs and beer cans alike can fly off of rooftops with minimal effort required...
...Coffee?
Anyone who knows me is aware of my fondness (read: addiction) to coffee. I have struggled to find a simple iced coffee in Honduras and have tried explaining to countless baristas that I want a cold brew coffee and NOT their famous iced lattes or mochas. Those contain too much sugar and fake-tasting syrups that I don't enjoy. Anyways, my coffee addiction means that even when I'm doing labor intensive jobs under the hot sun, I still accept coffee whenever it is offered. Once such occasion arose when I was 'translating' (read: blubbering like an idiot and trying not to offend our hosts) for a public health brigade. The lady of the house graciously offered me a cup of piping hot joe and I couldn't resist; however, what followed in that coffee mug was not what I was expecting. Instead of a cup of plain black coffee, I received coffee with so much sugar that it could've rivaled Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory. This 'coffee' tasted like maple syrup and was as thick as molasses. Because I was sure I had somehow already offended this woman due to my broken Spanish, I drank every last drop of that coffee. Even after politely declining a refill, I happily drank the refill she insisted upon pouring me because I didn't want to be a rude guest. Each subsequent time I found myself helping out in someone's home and food was about to be offered, I disappeared quicker than you could say 'abracadabra'.
Moral
Turning down food or drinks that the lady of the house offers is plain rude, so I made myself scarce! Except for the time I helped advise a tamale business... or the time I visited a lady who made tajaditas... or the time i stumbled upon a community bakery...
Would You Like a Shot with That?
Throughout my time here, I have witnessed several of my coworkers battle minor injuries. One friend broke a few bones in her hand from punching a wall and THEN a steel pole (do not replicate). Another coworker tore a tendon & ligament in his leg from running over Honduran sidewalks- they are an obstacle course and workout in their own! And finally, another coworker had to have her toenail removed due to complications from climbing a volcano. Although these stories may seem completely unrelated, they have one commonality- shots! Each coworker had to receive a shot while being examined by doctors. It makes sense for the girl with the toenail troubles to receive a shot in her toe before it was removed, right? Well, you're only halfway correct. Although she DID receive a shot in her toe before the puss was drained the first time (TMI? You're lucky I'm sparing you the details), she also received a shot in her butt. Why? Who knows except it seems to be the 'Honduran way'. As for the coworker with the torn ligament and tendon, he also received a shot in the butt to help assist in 'the healing'.
Moral
So the next time you find yourself plagued with the flu or other ailment, seek out a doctor to administer a shot in your butt. Hondurans SWEAR a shot such as a booster, vaccine, or flu shot will cure your cold and I'm starting to believe them. After all, ALL of my coworkers have recovered since their shot in the butt.....
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